Totally In Love

I promised myself that I wouldn't worry during the next four weeks. Our next appointment was scheduled for March 17. As you can bet, I worried, but I also fell madly in love. I am so in love with my son. I am scared and nervous and I worry for him and about him, but all this worry comes from my love for him. I know he will be great and do great things! My sister told me something that hit home many weeks before this. She said, "He is your baby, not to fear, but to love." I sat down (this was said to me during a text message conversation) and sobbed. No one could have said it better. Something about those words changed me. I don't fear him-never did; I fear the unknown, but I do love him-with every part of me.

February 17th Ultrasound

We didn't have to wait long in the waiting area to be called back for our ultrasound. I was grateful for this. I am very happy for other pregnant women, and I smile when I see babies, but I want/wanted to feel like they feel. I just wanted the happiness that usually accompanies pregnancy. The fear of the unknown creeps in constantly.

Our tech was very sweet and upbeat. Her attitude really relaxed me. I was so anxious to see him! He was very active once again, but she was able to get readings of everything that she needed to. Good news; the ventricles in his brain were normal sized except for the 4th ventricle which has the cyst, but this ventricle was only 1 mm larger than "normal." I think I smiled the entire time!

Dr. C. (the doctor of fetal maternal medicine from our first appointment) entered the room to go over the scans with us. He was all smiles; and to be honest, we were happy to see him too. He is a very likeable doctor. He gave me the worst news a mother could possibly get, but I still like him. I didn't take only his word...I sought out answers. I didn't give up on my guy, and I wouldn't let Dr. C. do so either. He informed us that he spoke with Dr. P. (pediatric neurologist) and that "people seem to be changing their tune a little bit and perhaps it will be more mild that we originally thought." Okay, doc. He decided to scan his brain again, and while doing so he mentioned a vermis. Joe and I looked at each other - a VERMIS? We were told there is no vermis. He explained that now they feel there may be a sliver under the cyst, and that the MRI report indicates that it is present withrotation and that the inferior portion of it is missing. Who knows. Well, God knows, that's about it I think! I don't think we'll have a clear picture of what is present and what is missing until he gets his own MRI after birth. Regardless, no new abnormalities were discovered during this visit, and he seems to be growing well! I'll take it!

What is Dandy-Walker?

I'm sorry that I didn't formally educate you on what DW is. Here's an explanation from dandy-walker.org:

Dandy-Walker Syndrome is a congenital brain malformation involving the cerebellum (an area at the back of the brain that controls movement) and the fluid filled spaces around it. The key features of this syndrome are an enlargement of the fourth ventricle (a small channel that allows fluid to flow freely between the upper and lower areas of the brain and spinal cord), a partial or complete absence of the cerebellar vermis (the area between the two cerebellar hemispheres), and cyst formation near the internal base of the skull. An increase in the size of the fluid spaces surrounding the brain as well as an increase in pressure may also be present. The syndrome can appear dramatically or develop unnoticed. Symptoms, which often occur in early infancy, include slow motor development and progressive enlargement of the skull. In older children, symptoms of increased intracranial pressure such as irritability, vomiting, and convulsions, and signs of cerebellar dysfunction such as unsteadiness, lack of muscle coordination, or jerky movements of the eyes may occur. Other symptoms include increased head circumference, bulging at the back of the skull, problems with the nerves that control the eyes, face and neck, and abnormal breathing patterns. Dandy-Walker Syndrome is frequently associated with disorders of other areas of the central nervous system including absence of the corpus callosum (the connecting area between the two cerebral hemispheres,) and malformations of the heart, face, limbs, fingers and toes.