Counting down!

In exactly four weeks Baby Boy Grodz will be here and maybe some of our wonders and worries will be answered. I am getting anxious to meet him! He continues to be an active baby. He doesn't let me forget for one second that he is busy growing bigger and stronger. I have entered that uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. It is hard to sleep, heartburn is a killer, and I am quite swollen. I am actually sitting with my feet up now while Joe gives Ally her bath. It is hard for me to sit still; I keep thinking of the many things I hoped to accomplish before our new addition. Joe says what gets done will get done when it gets done. Perhaps he's tired of the nagging! I go for my weekly appointment on Thursday which feels like a giant waste of time. We have seen so many doctors! Oh well, anything could come up I'm sure. That's about it. As we get closer, my fear of the unknown gets stronger, but I know deep down, we'll be fine. Change is never easy, so I am sure I am scared of "rocking the boat" as well. I just hope our future isn't hospital stay after hospital stay keeping us away from Ally. I pray that he is healthy and happy, and I ask you to pray for that, too. Thank you!

Big Boy!

We had another ultrasound appointment today. Baby boy is growing. He's in the 78th percentile for weight which the doctor of fetal maternal medicine was very happy with. As soon as the technician started the scan she said, "Wow...look at all the hair on that baby!" I had no idea what she was looking at, but she pointed out the spiky shadows. Cute. He is also quite bored with us. We witnessed the biggest baby yawn ever! We couldn't get 3D shots though cause he was covering his face with his hands and when I rolled to make him roll, he smushed himself up against me. Guess he's tired of us messing with him! There were no surprises in the visit. DWM still present, but not worse. Everything else "looks" normal. The doctor said at this point, "It is what it is." and there is no need for another ultrasound until delivery day. Yay, I guess? Now it's just a wait and see..oh yeah, and PRAY.

Nothing new. Just thankful.

Well, I'm pretty huge and working is getting exhausting! But, I am thankful for work. It keeps my mind busy, and I am surrounded by very supportive people. And, I am so so thankful for Ally. She cracks me up and makes me feel like there couldn't be a thing wrong in the world. We were sitting on the couch this evening and she looked over at my belly and rubbed it and said, "I love you baby brother!" Joe and I were both there to hear it. It was the first time she said anything like that without being questioned first. Our family is perfect. Just perfect! I am so thankful for all the prayers being said for us. When I say it is what is getting us through, I honestly mean it.

Baby boy is so very very active. Can he be too active? His Aunt Chele got to feel and see him in action this weekend. I think she was a little freaked out with seeing a limb of some sort poke out and roll across my belly! Back in January, I asked the doctors how he could be active in the womb if he were going to be in a vegetative state when he was born.  They explained it as primitive movement. This can't just be primitive movement!

I am going to ask for more prayers. We travel to the hospital again on Thursday to see how our little man is doing. I'll let you know.

32 Weeks

Baby boy and I went for a belly check today. Our scheduled c-section has been moved to May 24th. That's probably better than Friday the 20th because he'll need to see specialists and have tests performed, and they are only in on weekends for emergencies.

I stopped to talk with our family doctor's office (Ally's pediatrician) about baby boy. The receptionist started to cry; she's a mom. Anyway, at this point we don't see any reason why he can't go there for regular pediatric care. He'll be monitored by specialists regardless. I guess it's a wait and see kind of thing.

I am starting to swell and get a little uncomfortable, but I am still loving being pregnant!

Ultrasound in 2 weeks!

March 17th Ultrasound

I saw my regular OB the morning of the 17th, and everything looked good as far as the belly check and heartbeat check went. She told us that she has/had a patient that had Dandy-Walker, and that she is fine and had a healthy pregnancy. Interesting.

We had to wait about a half an hour for our ultrasound with genetics. I was okay waiting this time.

We had another amazing tech. She was super sweet. I told her that at our last visit it was mentioned that we may be able have a 3D ultrasound performed. She promised she would try if he was cooperating.

The ventricles in his brain continued to measure as "normal" other than the one in the fourth ventricle, but it is only a couple of mm larger than it should be. No huge cause for concern at this point. He looked amazing. I have to admit with each ultrasound, I stare hopefully at the screen wishing the malformation would disappear. A mother can dream. Baby boy cooperated. Our tech switched over to 3D and 4D. I watched him open his mouth, lift one side of his lip, and smile! He is so sweet.

A new doctor of genetics came in to meet with us. He was very nice and wanted to sit with us and learn all about what we know and add what he could, etc. Nothing new was discovered. He did float up above the cyst to show us what they think might be some vermis. WHO KNOWS. He was surprised that we hadn't been sent for an echocardiogram, so he had our genetic counselor arrange a scan for us. Thankfully we were able to get in the same day. We have had to miss quite a bit of work because of all our appointments, but that's just how it is. The scan of his heart was normal. Thank you God.

Before the echo, we did meet with a neonatologist to discuss what would happen right after birth. I can't say that we enjoyed that meeting. She was the black cloud of the day. For some reason she felt the need to remind us that what he has isn't normal and that we have no idea how he will do mentally or physically. She said, "I can't tell you what kind of Kindergartener he will be." Well, I didn't ask her any of those questions. I know we are facing the unknown and that's the most terrifying part of it all, so thanks lady. One thing that she did say that was kind of like an, "Oh," moment was that just because the rest of the brain, body, etc. is developed and present, it doesn't mean that it will function correctly. I hadn't really thought about that. I was always encouraged that everything else appeared to be "normal" so I just thought it would "work" too. Add more worries to my list. Anyway, she said that directly after birth, he'll be taken to the NICU for a full evaluation. Worst case scenario, he'll be transported to the children's hospital for surgical intervention. Best case scenario, he'll be able to return to me and wait for his MRI or head ultrasound. She said it all depends on whether he knows he has this. Interesting. Please God, let my baby stay with me.

So four appointments later, we were able to head home to pick up Ally. She was so excited to see the awesome pics of her baby brother.

Next ultrasound/genetics appointment is April 14th. Prayers and hope until then.

Totally In Love

I promised myself that I wouldn't worry during the next four weeks. Our next appointment was scheduled for March 17. As you can bet, I worried, but I also fell madly in love. I am so in love with my son. I am scared and nervous and I worry for him and about him, but all this worry comes from my love for him. I know he will be great and do great things! My sister told me something that hit home many weeks before this. She said, "He is your baby, not to fear, but to love." I sat down (this was said to me during a text message conversation) and sobbed. No one could have said it better. Something about those words changed me. I don't fear him-never did; I fear the unknown, but I do love him-with every part of me.

February 17th Ultrasound

We didn't have to wait long in the waiting area to be called back for our ultrasound. I was grateful for this. I am very happy for other pregnant women, and I smile when I see babies, but I want/wanted to feel like they feel. I just wanted the happiness that usually accompanies pregnancy. The fear of the unknown creeps in constantly.

Our tech was very sweet and upbeat. Her attitude really relaxed me. I was so anxious to see him! He was very active once again, but she was able to get readings of everything that she needed to. Good news; the ventricles in his brain were normal sized except for the 4th ventricle which has the cyst, but this ventricle was only 1 mm larger than "normal." I think I smiled the entire time!

Dr. C. (the doctor of fetal maternal medicine from our first appointment) entered the room to go over the scans with us. He was all smiles; and to be honest, we were happy to see him too. He is a very likeable doctor. He gave me the worst news a mother could possibly get, but I still like him. I didn't take only his word...I sought out answers. I didn't give up on my guy, and I wouldn't let Dr. C. do so either. He informed us that he spoke with Dr. P. (pediatric neurologist) and that "people seem to be changing their tune a little bit and perhaps it will be more mild that we originally thought." Okay, doc. He decided to scan his brain again, and while doing so he mentioned a vermis. Joe and I looked at each other - a VERMIS? We were told there is no vermis. He explained that now they feel there may be a sliver under the cyst, and that the MRI report indicates that it is present withrotation and that the inferior portion of it is missing. Who knows. Well, God knows, that's about it I think! I don't think we'll have a clear picture of what is present and what is missing until he gets his own MRI after birth. Regardless, no new abnormalities were discovered during this visit, and he seems to be growing well! I'll take it!